Thanks Guys….Really

We really didn’t want to make the playoffs this year….

I mean we only signed an unproven QB to a huge contract, gave up a ton of draft pics for a receiver mid season to help out the crybaby receiver we already have, and have to pay a ton in local taxes toward that new stadium. No…..we didn’t want playoffs at all. Just because Miami turned it around from winning one game last season to winning division this year means nothing.

Get Whitey In A Bag!

Kiss My Ass Santa

Ok, so after working at Circuit City for a year and a half, and Dell for four years I’ve made a decision…..I basically hate Christmas now.

Last minute shoppers I think could safely be placed on the bottom of the food chain, and their only purpose in life is to completely piss me off. Somehow their stupidity in life for tryin to buy everything on their list when no stores have shit left, is my fault. Honestly, the crybaby adults that can’t handle the reality of us not having anymore Nintendo DS units are worse than their snot nosed bastard kids that have to have them.

Here’s an idea…..stop being a fucking moron and shop in advance. And just because you’ve driven to every other store in town doesn’t mean I can pull that Ipod Touch out of my ass to accommodate you. So no….you won’t be getting your bastard child , yes you are a horrible parent now. Your kids will hate you this year. You suck..deal with it.

Despite the bullshit, there have obviously been some positives to the holidays. I’m now rocking a new Ipod Nano. And yes, your kids didn’t get one and I did. Ha ha ha….fuck you!

Another upside, I got to see the biggest caucasian afro in my fucking life. And to top it off, it was an old ladies afro so it was the big curl silver kinda shit. The thing was fucking magnificent!!

Click the image for the full size pic.

Now this took some real work to sneak these pics. I had to ninja stealth up and down the printer aisle with my camera phone to get them. You come in so handy my little Palm Centro. And yes, I know, it may seem stupid to some to take pics of this poor unsuspecting old lady. But fuck that, this is one HUGE freakin afro. Every member of the Jackson 5 couldn’t pull this off.

Ok, so after that I’m thinking this is gonna top off my “WTF happened to you?” hair fix, but not so much. Me and the woman decide to go to Golden Corral a couple of days later for my birthday. Well, I decided we’re going to eat there. It’s my birthday, so fuck it. Anyways, we’re sitting in the car so I can finish off my smoke and there’s this freakishly amazing mullett that gets out of a Chevy Avalanche. Let’s get one thing clear. A good mullett is one thing in life you have to admire. Well, you actually have to admire the work put into a good mullett, and then also appreciate the huge balls of the person who wears it. Being in Texas, I get more opportunities than most to witness them. And yes, my little Centro is there for the save again.

Again, clicky clicky for the bigger image…

This thing blew my fucking mind. As we got into the car and headed inside, I couldn’t help but stare. And her redneck husband with the fucked up comb over haircut and mechanic shirt just added the perfect compliment to this.

So yeah, the idiot shoppers made my holiday kinda shitty, and hell they still are. We’ve got jackasses coming in even today pissed off cause we don’t have shit back in stock yet.

Lick.My.Fucking.Sack.

At least now it’s almost all over, and I do at least get some satisfaction in ruining their kids holiday dreams.

Holy Fucking Gobstopper Buttplugs….

Ok so I just got home from work, and DK was sitting around playing Warcraft and watching some shit on TV. Anyways, whatever show that’s on ends, and the original version of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory comes on. Not normally what I’d watch, but it’s a half-ass amusing movie so I figured I’d watch it while I fuck around online.

Fucking dirty shitballs….this movie is NOTHING like I remember it when I was a kid. So in watching this disturbing story of bullshit, I’ve learned a few things.

First, poor people are not only dillusional, but completely fucking retarted. You’re fucking poor, so fucking deal with it. Don’t fill your little bastard child with false hope that he’s gonna win some 1 in 1,000,000,000 luckshot and get the riches and spoils that go along with it. It’s not going to happen, so don’t make him go crying his head off after getting shot back down into reality. Seriously, it’s just fucking cruel.

“But I am different. I want it more than anyone.”

Boo-fn-hoo. Keep crying you little wuss. Let me enjoy the sweet nectar of your tears as you realized life has just kicked you in the balls. Now go eat your cabbage water dinner. And if you’re so damn poor that your 4 grandparents have to share the same bed, why the hell are you wasting money on candy bars? How about regular food, the electric bill, or fixing the holes in your floor. You’re poor, you suck.

As for Charlie winning the ticket. I call bullshit on that one. I HAVE to call bullshit on that. He’s got his place in life for a reason. You can’t fuck up the order of society and ruin my climb to the top. Besides, I have to have someone to serve my fries at the drive-thru.

Next…..why the hell do none of the parents in this movie not discipline their kids??? Not one backhand and a shut your fucking trap!! This is crap! If I had a kid who talked to me like that, I’d jerk his head backwards by the hair and kick him in the spine. Paralysis works wonders when it comes to disciplinary issues.

Finally…this is what has creeped me out the most. This whole candyman thing at the beginning.

This motherfucker screams pedophile more than anything I’ve ever seen in my life. And that includes every episode of Barney ever made. Are you fucking serious? Someone actually thought it was a good idea to leave their kids alone with this freak…do you hate your kids?

What amazes me is this guy is actually free. I could safely bet money there’s some kind of hidden rape room in that store. I think the dark chocolate candybar on the top is a secret door switch. Try a Wonkascrumpdiddlyumptious…..yeah that’s code word you sick bastard.

The “golden ticket” is nothing more than a grandpass to get your kid butt-plugged. Have fun thinking about that mom and dad.

Mugshot Goodness

Looks like the police got some more prostitutes off the streets. Let’s check out these hot…OH, GOD, MY EYES. THEY’RE BURNING!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?